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Ric 'The Equalizer'
Drasin
Ric Drasin offers advice to those women who are having a difficult time
finding the right man. From a "man's man" point of view, Ric's
column tells women what a "Real Man" looks for in a woman.
Ric is a husband, father of three, and grandfather of three. Unlike a
lot of men who are into T& A, Ric prides himself on his motto T &
T (tough & tender).
Ric believes men need to be in touch with both sides, and at home he does
the laundry, cleans the house, takes out the trash, and takes care of
the kids.
Ric is an actor, producer, writer, musician, and wrestler who has appeared
in many films, television shows, commercials, and print ads. One of his
favorite roles was that of the "Middle Hulk" on The Incredible
Hulk television series. Ric recently retired from professional wrestling,
where he achieved legendary status as the WWF's "The Equalizer."
He has written several articles on family, relationships, self-improvement,
positive thinking, and is a mentor to many of the wrestling students that
he's trained.
· Does a perfectly made up woman tell
a man she is untouchable?
· Fashion sense: sexy and zany, or plain
trashy, where's the line? And do men really care?
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TOUGH N'TENDER |
Are Looks Enough to Keep a Guy?
Or does intelligence count too?
Every man is attracted to great looks. There is no question that our
eyes are attracted to things that look great, whether it be women, autos,
houses, scenery, or anything else.
But let's talk about women! There are a lot of great women out there,
and many of them tell me they just can't find a man, let alone the right
man.
For men, it's not always about a woman's looks. What we find visually
attractive can fade fast. Of course we want a partner who looks good and
looks their best, but other features have to come forward.
Let me compare this to an automobile, just for the sake of analogy. You
buy a beautiful car, but it continually has engine problems, so you can't
drive it. Besides the looks of the car, it had many other selling points,
but some of them aren't working now. A beautiful auto isn't so beautiful
any more..
And for all you women who think that men want only "one thing,"
that's not always true. Sure, we are all animals, and the male species
is a hunter out to satisfy his needs. But it goes beyond that, and it
usually comes with maturity.
When I was younger, I dated a lot of women. I was the lead guitarist
in a rock band, and that attracted a lot of girls. As I grew older, I
became a pro wrestler, out there in front of thousands of people. Again,
I was approached by a significant number of women. But, through all that,
I would look deeper into the person and was more impressed with good conversation
and intelligence. I honestly feel that beauty really does come from within.
I've seen so many gorgeous women who are very shallow and really have
nothing to offer in a conversation. They feel that being pretty is enough.
"Pretty" may be satisfying for the first fifteen minutes --
and then what? I've had even younger guys express the same feelings to
me. Seems to me like the younger guys are catching on as well.
Let's face it. Looks and lust are the initial attractions, and after
that you need to find more that you have in common. I truly believe that
today's man is looking for the same thing that women are. We all want
a good partner who is attractive, intelligent, and, above all, honest!
So, when you think that all guys are no good, you are hitting only a
small percentage. There are a lot of men out there who want the same things
you do. Just weed through them.
Be honest, be yourself, be up front, and don't be too demanding for commitment
right off. Let them get to know the "inner" you and what you
are all about. Trust me, you'll find the right one if you do. And if he
doesn't want to get to know the inner you, he's not the right guy for
you anyway.
What Real Men Think
Ric 'The Equalizer' Drasin
We are not animals but we do interpret things our way as well. On many
occasions what a woman says, isn't always the way she intends for it to
come out. But this is how both sides view it. It's not intended to be
right or wrong, it's just the way it is.
1. If you put a woman on a pedestal and try to protect her from the world,
you're a chauvinist.
2. If you stay home and do the housework, you're a pansy. If you work
too hard, you don't have enough time for her.
3. If you don't work enough, you're too lazy and a bum.
4. If she has a boring position with low pay, she's being exploited. If
you have a job with low pay, you should get off your lazy ass and find
a better one.
5. If you get a promotion ahead of her, it's favoritism. If she gets ahead
of you, it's equal opportunity.
6. If you mention how nice she looks, she thinks you want sex. If you
keep quiet, then you didn't notice her.
7. If you cry, you're a wimp. If you don't, you're insensitive.
8. If you make a decision without consulting her, you're a chauvinist.
9. If she makes a decision without consulting you, she's a liberated woman.
10. If you ask her to do something she doesn't enjoy, that's domination.
If she asks you, you'd better do it.
11. If you appreciate the female body and sexy clothes, you're a pervert.
If you don't, then you're gay.
12. If you like a woman to shave her legs and stay in shape, you're a
sexist. If you try to keep in shape, you're too vain and if you don't
you're a slob.
13. If you buy her roses, you're after something, if you don't you're
not thoughtful.
14. If you are proud of your achievements, you're full of yourself. If
you don't you're not ambitious.
15. If she has a headache, she's tired. If you have one, you don't love
her anymore.
16. If you want it too often, you're oversexed, if you don't there must
be someone else.
My personal responses to some of these:
1. You should always have respect for one another and look out for their
safety.
2. Balance is the key here. You have to make a living, but I'm not above
housework. It's a community job. Each person should chip in when things
need to be done. I'm not above cleaning toilets.
3. Depends on what type of job you have. Some require various hours and
days.
4. and 5. It's up to the individual to get a job that suits their needs
and the other person needs to understand that..
5. It's always nice to throw out a compliment without a motive.
6. 7. Emotions are good from both sexes. Everyone should be in touch with
their feelings otherwise you'll end up with ulcers.
8. Sometimes the other person isn't around and a decision has to be made
on the spot. Hopefully there is enough trust that you can speak for the
other half.
9. 10. Sometimes you have to bite the bullet and go along. We don't always
do things that we want, but it is give and take.
11. 12. Who doesn't appreciate a good body and one that's in shape in
both sexes. You should work out and dress just for yourself.
13. Some people just aren't present buyers. You can't change that in a
person.
14. Everyone wants to be noticed for the good things they achieve. That's
human.
15. We all get headaches, just find time during the day when you don't
have one.
For the files of Tough and Tender - by Ric Drasin
The strong-but-silent type can breathe a loud sigh of relief. I just found
that new research suggests that "manly" men who withhold their
feelings and emotions but not their tough, competitive nature may not
be as vulnerable to physical and psychological problems as previously
believed.
For a long time, these macho men were considered to be at higher risk
for depression, anxiety, substance abuse, and heart problems than guys
who are more open with their emotions. But in a new study, researchers
find virtually no connection between psychological distress and traditional
stoic, win-at-all costs male behaviors.
"The general consensus has long been, the more macho you are, the
more likely you are to experience psychological distress and other health
problems, mainly because of internalizing your problems. "The going
theory is that healthy people experience a wide range of emotions. But
when 'manly' men learn to restrict their expression of emotions, or are
overly competitive, it produces stress."
Virtually No Connection Found
In his study, which will be published next month in the journal Psychology
of Men and Masculinity, there were five different assessment tests to
260 male undergraduate college students. The tests gauged their opinions
about the masculine role, their competitiveness, problem-solving methods
and skills, openness in discussing problems and sharing feelings, and
other issues. Their likelihood of having a psychological disorder was
also assessed.
When the math was completed, less than 1% of the students' psychological
distress could be attributed to behaviors of what he calls the "traditional"
masculine role.
"It certainly doesn't coincide with previous research, so it's hard
to know what it means. It could mean that there is no one right way to
be a man. Or it could be the Homer Simpson phenomenon, in which Homer
says he's not too worried about his emotions or behavior. But that's not
to say that Marge is happy about it."
In previous studies, alpha males have led the pack in certain health problems.
The association of a hostile, overly aggressive Type A personality to
heart disease is well-documented, and macho men have often been seen as
the poster boys for alcohol, tobacco, and drug abuse. "And in other
studies, if you put these more traditional guys in experiments to perform
a task that a woman does better, their blood pressure shot up because
they were so competitive. It really angered them that they would lose
to a woman."
Anger and Sex
That may be because traditional males hate to lose anything -- especially
control, says another researcher who has studied what angers men and women.
And her findings, published last year , may help explain the long history
between men's anger-internalizing behavior and health problems.
"When we interviewed men about what makes them angry, the absolute
biggie was control," says psychologist Sandra Thomas, PhD, RN, of
the University of Tennessee in Knoxville.
"They need to be in control of their emotions and in control of what's
happening around them. And when they're not, they feel very guilty about
it. You wouldn't believe the stories we heard about men getting angry
because they couldn't fix their vcrs or cars. By comparison, women's anger
stories were almost exclusively about problems they had in their most
intimate relationships, the people they love. Men almost never told stories
about people they love."
Either way you cut it, it can't hurt to be in touch with both sides of
your hormones.
All of this is basic logic, but then again a lot of
people aren't logical. 
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